


One Piece Abridged: Marineford Arc

by CrystalNavy



Series: One Piece Abridged: My Favorite Arcs [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-07-01 21:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15782463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: In which a bloody war is fought for the fate of one character





	1. Introductions and stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we see the prelude to the war.

Narrator: Here we could see the fortress of Marineford. What's up with that name, anyway? Ford driven by the Marines? Can they even drive?

Smoker's offscreen voice: I'll have you know I can drive perfectly well.

Narrator: Oh, yeah, your motorbike thingy. Anyway, you are a despicable moron. Your boyfriend was on death row and you didn't even try to save him.

Smoker's offscreen voice: Yeah, 'bout that......wait, my boyfriend?

[Narrator shows Smoker several links]

Smoker's offscreen voice: ......Yeah, Imma need brain bleach. I am not dating the son of the villain who ruled the seas with an iron thumb and iron everything.

Narrator: *smirking* I wonder whether Roger had an iron spear to pierce your defenses with.

Smoker's offscreen voice: That sounds strangely stimulating......wait, why are my pants wet?

Narrator: Because apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. If Roger could get you excited, his son could as well. Look, here he comes.

**Prelude to war: The sacrifice for the better future of mankind**

Ace: I have to object to that title. Future of mankind my ass. That is just propaganda to hide the true conspiracy propagated by the World Government. Take a look at Keimi, for instance. She was an innocent civilian sold into slavery just because of her race. That's bigotry and racial segregation. The World Nobles are the ones running the show, and apart from them, the World Government doesn't give a shit about the civilians they are supposed to protect. Like when Sabo got captured because his highborn asshole of a father demanded it. And don't get me started on Tama......that right there was heartless.

Guard #1: Shut up, Ace. No one cares about your opinion.

Ace: Yeah, you are just obedient fodders with no will of your own whatsoever.

Guard #1: Like I said, shut up and start climbin'. 

Ace: Yeah, yeah, might as well get this execution thingy wrapped up and done. 

[they move over to the execution platform]

Narrator: The execution is being watched by millions of people worldwide, including the ever present enigma. You know whom I speak of.

Dragon: *sipping tea* This execution is a-ballin'.

Random Marine #1: Here comes the Admirals. I don't know why, but they seem more intimidating than the rest of us and the Warlords put together.

Akainu: Justice is the only thing that matters!

Aokiji: I only came to speed this up so I could return to my nap.....

Kizaru: Where are the cookies I was promised if I came?

Narrator: Sorry, there are none.

Vice Admiral Onigumo: All right, men! We only gotta hold out for three hours and then this will all be over!

[Marines roaring]

Narrator: Introducing the Seven Warlords of the sea, who are only here to make things more spicy!

Mihawk: I'm a goth.

Boa Hancock: Don't tell anyone, but I am actually on Ace's side.

Kizaru: You do realize we could hear you, right?

Boa Hancock: I can solve that problem. I will always be forgiven because I am beautiful.

Kizaru: Touche.

Kuma: My heart has been carved out of my chest and put in a random jar in some laboratory. A mechanical replacement has been made. I offer a big reward to whoever could retrieve my original heart.

Moriah: I am here to fight other pirates and steal corpses, and I am all out of other pirates, kishishishishi!

Doflamingo: I like spicy. Spicy things give flavor to life!

Random dude #1: Here comes Fleet Admiral Sengoku!

Sengoku: Step aside for a while. 

Guards #1 and #2: Yes Sir!

Sengoku: Give me the Den-Den Mushi.

[there is a small pause as Sengoku receives the Den-Den Mushi and steps forward]

Sengoku: Everyone, I have an important announcement to make as to why the execution of the man before you is necessary. Ace. Tell me who your father was.

Ace: Well, I seem to recall a bundle of tumbleweed having a sexual intercourse with cornstarch.......and thus, I was born.

Sengoku: ......

Ace: Oh, my bad. You want to know the identity of my real father. Well, as it turn out, a man commonly known as Whitebeard helped to bring me into this world.....it's a long story, really.

Sengoku: That's wrong, also.

Ace: Are you accusing me of lyin', old man? That's how it happened, and I don't approve of any other version you might believe in. Whitebeard is my father, and that's final.

Sengoku: Long ago, when the dinosaurs still roamed the earth, Gol D. Roger lived in our alternate world. His lover was Portgas D. Rouge who lived in Baterilla. Through God's will, they beget a child, and Rouge gave up her life so that the child may live. That child was thou. Whitebeard knew this also. He found thou before us and accepted thou as one of his sons so he could make thou the next King o' the Pirates!

Ace: Not true. I want to make him the next King.

Sengoku: Thou art the only one who believes that. He planned for thou to take up thou father's mantle so that the Great Pirate Era would continue with thou as the propagator. That's why it's imperative that we execute thou today, in this place. Even if we have to go to war with Whitebeard to do it!

Narrator: Whitebeard arrives and the war begins! To see that and more, tune into the next episode of Marineford Arc Abridged!


	2. Friends in high places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a shocking swerve and awkward things happen.

Boa Hancock: Need I point out that there is something amiss?

Sengoku: What could be amiss around here? Our forces are in position and we still got Ace cuffed to beanpole.

Boa Hancock: Oh, I don't know. It's quiet, way too quiet. It's almost as if someone is planning to attack from underwater.

[collective gasps]

Sengoku: Oh, yeah. I remember that a bunch of guys acted as a decoy while the others filled our aquaducts with horse crap. It took more than a month for us to clean all of it up. 

Boa Hancock: .....I am not even gonna ask.....

[scene changes to complete and utter darkness. A bunch of shady people are conversing]

Jozu: Yeah, let's do this.

A.O: Yeah, the sooner we finish, the sooner I get to do stuff. In bed. With Ace-chan.

Jozu: What did you just say?

A.O: *fingers crossed behind his back* Nothing, nothing at all.....

Delacuaji: Mind if I join in on that action?

A.O: *glares* Ace-chan is mine and mine alone. *pulls out dagger*

Delacuaji: Sparky begs to differ. *pulls out a broadsword*

A.O: I could defeat you with a toothpick.

Delacuaji: Bring it on. The winner gets to keep Ace for himself!

Jozu: Gentlemen, that's enough. We still have an epic rescue to pull off.

A.O: Yes, yes. I will be the knight in shining armor for Ace-chan. He'll love me and only me. *daydreaming*

Jozu: Remind me why did you agree to become our ally in the first place?

A.O: *blinks* Because Ace-chan 'convinced' me with his hot bod and his delicious ass?

Jozu: *sighs* .....You're a moron. 

A.O: And I'm not the only one who has such desires. Just ask Oars Junior. He keeps the hat Ace-chan made on his person even when he's asleep, and he has plenty of memorabilia resembling Ace-chan in some way stashed on his ship.

Jozu: I don't even wanna know.....anyway, let's go.

**-Line break-**

Lookout: They are here!

Ramba: Thank you, Captain obvious.

Squard: Now, do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?

Elmy: Personally, I am ready to let out some steam.

DeCalvan brother #1: Are you ready to fight, brother?

DeCalvan brother #2: We were defeated by Ace and Thatch and forced to join their side. Why are we even fighting for him?

DeCalvan brother #1: Because defeat means friendship or something. [pause] Anime logic.

DeCalvan brother #2: Touche.

Sengoku: Why didn't I think they would do something like this?

Tsuru: Because you are an idiot who only kept his position thanks to my brains, Garp's tenacity and Rocinante's charm?

Kizaru: *catwhistles* Do you need some ice for that burn?

Ace: I can provide the burn.

Kuzan: I can provide ice.

Akainu: I'll have you simpletons know that magma burns even fire.

Kuzan: Actually, it doesn't. In real life, fire could reach very, very high temperatures, higher than magma.

Ace: Swaggin' *grins widely*

Akainu: Anime logic.

[Ace's grin deflates]

A.O: Look, I see him! I see Ace-chan!

Delacuaji: Hold on, Ace! We're coming for ya!

A.O: Oh, yes, I will come for him, in bed.

Delacuaji: I will cut you where you stand.

A.O: No, you won't. Because that would upset Ace-chan.

Lookout: They.....they are all sworn allies of Whitebeard!

A.O: I have no interest in that old coot. Ace-chan's crotch is all that interests me.

**-Line break-**

[Whitebeard emerges from his ship's bowel]

Whitebeard: Long time no see, Sengoku. I remember when we wrecked havoc on the Grand Line and terrorized the Rock Pirates......just you, me, Garp and Altea. Together, we were team SWAG. Get it? It's our initials put together?

Sengoku: Yes, those were good times..... *nostalgic sigh*

Whitebeard: Then I don't suppose that you can let my son and Altea and Garp's grandson go in the name of team SWAG.

Sengoku: That privilege ended when you and Altea went pirates, and especially when Altea gave birth to Roger.....

Whitebeard: That's too bad. I guess I will have to fight you, then. My son had better be all right.

Sengoku: Your son is cuffed in seastone, ready to have his head lopped off. And believe me, it would be better for him and you both if you just gathered your crew and left.

Ace: Father, you shouldn't have come......

Sengoku: See? He said it himself. He wants you to go.

Whitebeard: *smirks* We don't abandon family.

A.O: And even if he did order us to leave, I wouldn't obey. I wanna save my bedmate. Del-san and Oars Junior feel the same way, right?

Little Oars Jr. :We shall have a foursome!

Delacuaji: Fine by me.

Ace: *pouts* Don't I get any say in this?

A.O/Delacuaji/Little Oars Jr. : Nope.


	3. Que sera, sera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Garp relives some memories, and there is a first instance of issue counselling in anime, hooray!
> 
> P.S: Don't pay too much attention to the title, it just sounded catchy.

Tsuru: Look at these younglings whimperin'. It's pathetic.

Ace: You do realize that the whole plot of this arc is about executing a twenty-year old? With a select group of people tryin' to save 'em?

Whitebeard: That's right, and that isn't a very nice thing to do. Right, Sengoku?

Tsuru: Shut up, both of you.

Garp: Now this is a nice place to squeeze a bloody flashback into......

{flashback time]

Garp: I really wasn't cut out for this job. *walks down the corridor with a torch*

The Voice: Come closer, Garp, old chump!

Garp: *sigh* What is it this time, Roger?

Roger: Actually, it's Roger Senior now. Cos there would be a Roger Junior in a few months, kyahahaha!

Garp: ......Crap.

Roger: You understand, don't you? 

Garp: I understand that there would be another major headache in this world soon.

Roger: I want you to take care of my child for me. Make sure that they aren't prosecuted for my crimes.

Garp: And why would I do that?

Roger: Oh, I trust you. I know you will. Besides, the plot demands that you agree to this inane request which you won't be able to fulfill in the end, no matter how hard you try.

Garp: .....Fine.

[Island of Baterilla, a week later]

Unimportant Marine Commander: All right, men, we're here to kill Roger's baby, which we shouldn't even know about, because the man was secretive and only told Garp 'bout that, but who cares 'bout logic?

Marines: Anime Logic!

Unimportant Marine Commander: That's right! Now who could the mother of this child possibly be?

[Rouge passes him by with a perfect poker-face]

UMC: I have a feeling that she is the one, but I am gonna conveniently overlook her and kill every other woman on this island instead. There's no way that would come back to bite me in the ass later.

-x-

Rouge: *kneeling in front of lit candle in a ritualistic fashion* May you and all of your men vanish in the fires of Beelzebub...... *rubbing her pregnant belly tenderly* I am sorry, but you can't come out yet......not while they are still here......We must pray for Beelzebub to get rid of them.....

[Twenty months later]

Garp: I finally made it.....

RC #1: Wait, you can't go in there......

Garp: Let me pass. *rudely forces his way in* Portgas D. Rouge, I presume?

[present time]

Garp: And so, I got myself a cute grandson, whom I immediately pawned off onto someone else to avoid any sort of responsibility for their upbringing while still believing that bandits could raise them to be a good Marine, while also hoping that them being a Marine would shield them from being executed for the actions committed by their biological father.

[Ace and Sengoku stare at each other]

Sengoku: Anime logic?

Ace: *sighs* Anime logic.

Sengoku: *winces* You have my sympathy.....

Ace: *hopeful look* Enough sympathy to call this execution off? Or at least convince them to back out?

Sengoku: Wish I could, really I do, but my hands are tied, and their minds seem made up......

Ace: Bummer......

Whitebeard: *whispering* Why is he insisting that we back off?

Marco: *whispering* He has issues. Lots of issues. They stem from constantly being told he is a piece of crap, I presume. And there are no psychiatrists in our world.

Whitebeard: Well, time for plan B.

Sengoku: You do realize both of us could hear you?

Ace: What he said.

Whitebeard: Let's pretend we never heard that.

Ace: Are they ignoring common sense?

Sengoku: Seems that way. Why don't you set them straight?

Ace: All right, here goes nothing. *takes a deep breath* Look, guys and girls. I appreciate your dedication, but this entire thing is solely my fault. I landed myself in proverbial hot water, and there's no need for you to risk your lives for something that is my fault.

Whitebeard: Nah, I told you to do it.

Tsuru: What?

Garp: What?

Aokiji: What?

Kizaru: What?

Akainu: What?

Sengoku: What?

Ace: What are you even implying?

Whitebeard: I told you to go do it. I did tell 'im to do it, didn't I, Marco?

Marco: It's true. I was there. 

[One motivational speech later]

Marco: Oh, and......

Ace: What?

Marco: We're taking you to see a psychiatrist after this.

Ace: But there are no psychiatrists in this world, you said so yourself. And even if there were, you are the ones in dire need of them, not me. The whole 'risking your lives for someone who doesn't deserve it instead of backing off like sensible people' thing, you know....?

Marco: We're not the ones with self-deprecation issues.

Aokiji: All right, this has gone on for long enough. You want them to back off, pal, so I'll make them back off for you.

Whitebeard: What?

Sengoku: As those who are hardcore fans of stories know, Ace and Aokiji are secret lovers.

A.O: That's it, it's muderin' time! Prepare yourself, Blue Pheasant!

Aokiji: You crack me up, shortcake. Literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....I have no excuses for this one.


	4. Fightin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Akainu and Whitebeard are deadpan snarkers, Kuzan is a lovestruck sap, Sengoku becomes a chessmaster, and Tsuru, Garp, Kizaru and Ace are just there.

Kuzan: I think I'm gonna freeze the entire bay.

Akainu: And what does that accomplish?

Kuzan: Makes their ships unable to move? [thinking] And also enables them to rescue my boyfriend by foot. [aloud] I am Moses! I can walk on water.

Kizaru: That's Jesus.

Tsuru: Where is the key?

Sengoku: Right her..... [suddenly turns pale] It seems it was stolen from my person. And the only ones who went near me in the immediate past were the Warlords and Ace himself. Which means......

Kizaru: Yes?

Sengoku: *le gasp* One of the Warlords is a traitor!

Kuzan: You're, like, not suspecting my boyfriend at all, like.

Akainu: Kuzan is right. He is the one who'll gain the most if that key were to disappear. Any of his crewmates could unlock the cuffs with his help, and his family goes home, safe and sound. It's a win-win for him.

Sengoku: You aren't well-versed in anime logic, are you? First rule of anime logic is that the most obvious answer is never the correct one. Therefore, one of the Warlords must have taken it.

Akainu: Well, when you put it that way......

Kizaru: I dub thee Sengoku, the chessmaster of anime logic.

Sengoku: Good. Now Mihawk is too obvious. Moriah is too occupied with corpses to care. Kuma has no will of his own. This leaves Donquixote Doflamingo and Boa Hancock. Doflamingo is bored, so he might do it to satisfy that boredom. Boa Hancock probably sees Ace as her brother-in-law.......Which one did it?

Akainu: You just answered your own question, with sound reasoning too.

Sengoku: Touche.

Boa Hancock: [thinking] Crap, they know...... [pulls a small silver key out of her sash] It's just you and me now, and you would never leave me. You won't let Ace die, because it would hurt my beloved......

Sengoku: By the way, Akainu.......?

Akainu: Yes?

Sengoku: That Squard guy......he hates Roger for decimating his crew. You know what to do with this information. May Anime Logic be with you.

Akainu: Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this. [licks lips] It's manipulatin' time!


	5. Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find out that even half-giants have skeletons in their closet. Or memorabilia of their crush, in this case.

Marine #1: Who is that?

Marine #2: Not sure.......

[a giant fist comes out of nowhere and flattens them]

Whitebeard: Little Oars Jr., please stop. A true man wouldn't risk his life for another needlessly!

Little Oars Jr: I disagree. That's exactly what a true man would do.

A.O: Well said, Little Oars Jr.

Kizaru: Ooooohhhhh......so scary......

Kuzan: Can it, Borsalino! Your sarcasm mode is not funny!

Akainu: Depends on where you stand. In my humble opinion, messing with people's heads in any way is hilarious. Like that chump up there? Others may think we're executing him to protect the innocents, but we're really only doing it to destroy the remaining members of 'D' clan.

Garp: Does it mean you'll gut me too at some point?

Akainu: Nah, we don't have to. We'll just kill your son and all three of your grandsons, and then wait for you to keel over from old age.

Garp: Three? You must be mistaken......I only have two, and if this execution is successful, I'll only have one...... [thinking] How do they know about Sabo?! He died in his childhood, and I destroyed all the evidence implying he is still alive.....

Akainu: You know, your little cutesy act isn't fooling anyone.

Garp: Bahahahaha!

Sengoku: [reading from One Piece manga: Dressrosa arc] Yeah, we know all about Sabo......

Garp: [gasps] You are not supposed to have that! Give that back, you insolent cur! Or I'll show you what the 'D' in our name REALLY stands for!

Kizaru: We already know that it stands for 'dick'. You don't need to show us for us to know.

Little Oars Jr.: They have forgotten about me. Perfect.

Kuma: They might have forgotten about you, but I haven't.

Little Oars Jr: All the pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain he must be feeling right now......

Doflamingo: Then you wouldn't mind if I burned this? [holds up a miniature figurine carved to Ace's likeness]

Little Oars Jr.: [eyes widen] No......that means so much to me.....give it back......

[flashback]

Ace: Hey, Oars?

Little Oars Jr.: Yes?

Ace: I was thinking......doesn't the heat bother you? 

Little Oars Jr: Well, it is hot outside.

Ace: So you could use some reprieve, am I right? Here, I made this for you. I learned to make it at the same time I made an impossible promise to a young girl.

Little Oars Jr. :Oh, thank you. You didn't have to.

Ace: But I wanted to.

[present time]

Little Oars Jr. :And that's how I fell in love with Ace-kun.

Kizaru: Oooohhhhhh......how touching........

Kuzan: [eyebrow twitches] I thought I told you to cut the sarcasm, Borsalino! Besides, Ace is my boyfriend! I will put anyone who looks at him in that way on ice!

Akainu: Are you declaring protection of our executee?

Kuzan: Yes, yes, I am! [throws his Marine credentials onto the ground] I am a free man now, and I will save my dearest!

Akainu: Are you really Kuzan?

Kuzan: [smirks] How perceptive of you. No, I am not Kuzan. I do possess his body, though. And what I said was true. I will save my dearest.

Akainu: Then we need an exorcist.

Kuzan/Narrator: You cannot exorcise me. Without me, there will be no execution. No nothing. Your characters would cease to be.

Akainu: Touche.


	6. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Profiles of characters that appeared so far 
> 
> We will return to our regularly scheduled programming asap.

**Canon characters**

Name: Aokiji  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: Technically, he didn't really appear first, but since the Narrator is currently possessing his body, he was put here anyway  
Likes: Nap-times, cold beverages  
Dislikes: Hot weather, heat-based powers, being woken up  
Hates: Akainu  
Is in relationship with: Portgas D. Ace, because opposites attract  
Another funny fact: He is bipolar. Wants to help Ace with his suicide in one second, and wants to free him in another; though this could be explained by the Narrator - an Ace fangirl - possessing his body at random times

Name: Smoker (did his parents really name him that?)  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: He is addicted to his cigarettes, which is why he can't quit smoking, ever, because it would lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Which would cause his body to permanently stay smoke and thus evaporate into stratosphere, effectively making him cease to exist.  
Likes: Moral justice, driving his motorbike, helping people  
Dislikes: Tashigi  
Hates: Absolute justice, pirates, slavery, Celestial Dragons  
Is in relationship with: No one, though people want him to bang Ace and he is attracted to Hina, even though she'll never return his affections  
Another funny fact: Many people think that he and Ace are a match made in heaven, something which irks him. He is very much straight and prefers Hina, thank you very much

Name: Portgas D. Ace  
Parents: Gol D. Roger (King of the Pirates), Portgas D. Rouge (one determined mother, worships Beelzebub)  
Grandparents: Gol D. Altea, Gol D. Ranmaru, Portgas D. Louise, Portgas D. Gavroche (author's comment: Yes, I totally used random French names for that one; also the name Gavroche is totally ~~stolen~~ borrowed from 'Les Miserables')  
Brothers: Luffy and Sabo  
Funny fact: He is that person that this arc couldn't exist without......because his absence would render the reason for the entire war obsolete  
Likes: Luffy, Sabo, meat, Whitebeard, his mother (in that order)  
Dislikes: Fried shrimp, bullies, Dadan family  
Hates: His father, himself, anyone who threatens Luffy, Sabo or Whitebeard Pirates  
Is in relationship with: No one, though several people would like to bang that  
Another funny fact: He has an inferiority complex and self-hatred issues, meaning he is in desperate need of a psychologist. Psychologists don't exist in the world of One Piece, by the way, which would totally explain why he and so many others are a bit fucked up

Name: Monkey D. Dragon  
Parents: Monkey D. Garp, Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: X (the original text said that he considers Sabo as his son and that he has a biological son as well)  
Likes: Unknown  
Dislikes: Unknown  
Hates: World Government  
Is in relationship with: his job  
Another funny fact: The previous funny fact has been deleted because it reveals his weaknesses, which no one can know, because he is kinda paranoid like that

Name: Sengoku  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: He took Rocinante in and considers him his son  
Likes: Animals, Rocinante, Law, Rice crackers  
Dislikes: Traitors, Garp's antics  
Hates: The current system  
Is in relationship with: his goat  
Another funny fact: Which would make Law is grandson. 

Name: Jozu  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: None  
Likes: His family  
Dislikes: Nothing  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt his family  
Is in relationship with: No one

Name: A.O  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: Is in love with Ace, whom he calls Ace-chan, even though it's one-sided  
Likes: His family  
Dislikes: Nothing  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt his family or try and steal Ace's affection from him  
Is in relationship with: No one, though he is hoping that Ace will love him and him alone after he pulls off an epic rescue

Name: Delacuaji  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: Is in love with Ace  
Likes: His family  
Dislikes: Nothing  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt his family or try and steal Ace's affection from him  
Is in relationship with: No one, though he is hoping that Ace will love him and him alone after he pulls off an epic rescue

Name: Little Oars Jr.  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: Is in love with Ace  
Likes: His family, hat that Ace made for him  
Dislikes: Nothing  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt his family or try and steal Ace's affection from him  
Is in relationship with: No one, though he is hoping that Ace will love him and him alone after he pulls off an epic rescue  
Another funny fact: Has many Ace-themed memorabilia which he keeps in his closet

Name: Bartholomew Kuma  
-this profile has been purged from the system cos the character in question has no real personality anymore-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am gonna cut off here and post the remaining character profiles tomorrow


	7. Interlude (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character Files: Part 2

Name: Whitebeard  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: None  
Likes: His extended family, sake  
Dislikes: Shanks  
Hates: Anyone who tries to kill or harm one of his children  
Is in relationship with: No one  
Another funny fact: None

Name: Kizaru  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: He is lazy as hell  
Likes: Teasing people  
Dislikes: Being teased  
Hates: Nothing

Is in relationship with: No one  
Another funny fact: He ate the Glint-Glint Fruit to compensate for his laziness

Name: Akainu  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: He resents the fact that fire burns hotter than magma in real life  
Likes: Manipulating people, Absolute justice  
Dislikes: Most of his colleagues  
Hates: People with 'evil' blood in their veins  
Is in relationship with: No one  
Another funny fact: He has an immense hatred for Gol D. bloodline in particular

Name: Doflamingo  
Parents: Homing, Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: He is a bit of sadist  
Likes: Being in power  
Dislikes: His brother, some of his henchmen, boredom  
Hates: The world in general  
Is in relationship with: Monet, one of his underlings  
Another funny fact: He has a morbid fascination with his own nephew and lusts after said nephew as well

Name: Mihawk  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: None  
Likes: Swords, swordsmanship  
Dislikes: Being dragged into Shanks' antics  
Hates: When someone disrespects swords  
Is in relationship with: His boat  
Another funny fact: None

Name: Aokiji  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: Technically, he didn't really appear first, but since the Narrator is currently possessing his body, he was put here anyway  
Likes: Nap-times, cold beverages  
Dislikes: Hot weather, heat-based powers, being woken up  
Hates: Akainu  
Is in relationship with: Portgas D. Ace, because opposites attract  
Another funny fact: He is bipolar. Wants to help Ace with his suicide in one second, and wants to free him in another; though this could be explained by the Narrator - an Ace fangirl - possessing his body at random times

Name: Boa Hancock  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: She is one of rare people who has no prejudice against Fishmen  
Likes: Luffy, Fisher Tiger, Ace (to an extent), Garp (to an extent), Dragon (to an extent), Trafalgar Law (for saving Luffy)  
Dislikes: All other men  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt Luffy or defies her  
Is in relationship with: Luffy (in her mind)  
Another funny fact: This is because a Fishman saved her from life of a slave

Name: Marco  
Parents: Unknown  
Grandparents: Unknown  
Funny fact: None  
Likes: His family, Ace  
Dislikes: Nothing  
Hates: Anyone who tries to hurt his family in any way  
Is in relationship with: No one  
Another funny fact: None


End file.
